Where is the closest sperm bank?
Childrens Hospital has always sort of been a strange hybrid action-medical comedy. It does “big event” episodes pretty often, with its characters serving not just as heroes (who are really kind of villains) in the medical field but also in the world around them. They’re supposedly (with the exception of maybe Blake) the best at what they do in their world, which is kind of a terrifying thought for such a world in the first place. That of course translates into them also making the perfect heist team in the straightforwardly titled “Sperm Bank Heist.”
The Michael Colton and John Aboud-penned episode (the duo were also responsible for “We Are Not Our DNA” and “Just Like Cyrano de Bergerac”) is an ode to Leverage, of all shows, as well as the general concept of the heist film. In true Childrens Hospital fashion, the show takes an already kind of goofy premise and makes it 10 times stranger, with the catalyst of the (sperm bank) heist being Val’s newly-introduced baby fever.
To be completely honest, it takes a few moments for the heist plot to be the most interesting part of the episode, as the previouslies feature a slow-clapping Lola stuck in a strange Speed-type scenario, only for the episode to continue to have it unfold in the background of the Val/Cat “baby fever” scene, and to never speak of it again.
Lola quite possibly murders someone with the bomb, by the way.
But once the episode gets into gear, it goes full Leverage, with Val as the Nate Ford (or Danny Ocean, for Ocean’s 11 fans)—“Let’s go steal some semen.”—assembling a team of “criminals” to help her get the Ivy League grade sperm needed to fulfill her baby-making dreams. It’s a “getting the gang back together” situation: You’ve got Lola “the hacker, ” Chief “the lifter, ” Wu Lee “an Asian contortionist” (Alex Duong), and Glenn as “the muscle”. There’s also Matthew Hauser (Nathan Fielder), the patsy and “inside man, ” who really just wants Val to follow through on the promise of sex in exchange for her own supply of baby-making juice.
Never mind that Val is still Derrick Childrens in the most impressive drag known to man. Maybe. She might still be, at least. That’s never quite certain with Childrens Hospital, but that’s also part of the show’s charm.
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